her side

You’ve heard his side, now read Alyssa’s story:

Hi all 🙂 I’m Alyssa, I’m 21 years old and I’m a student, a writer, and a children’s author (among other things). When Cait first suggested that Anthony and I guest post on her blog, I wasn’t exactly sure how I wanted to go about writing it. I think it would be appropriate to start by mentioning my own problems and fears, since I obviously know myself best. Rheumatoid Arthritis (also known as RA) is an autoimmune disease. It affects mainly the joints, making them stiff, swollen, and painful. It also causes fatigue and damage to the internal organs. It is not contagious like HIV. No one really knows why people have RA, but you can be genetically predisposed to it. I was diagnosed in November of 2011, but I’ve had the symptoms for many years. When I have a flare (which is the period when the disease is most active) I am unable to type, usually can’t get out of bed, and have the ability to sleep for 18+ hours. Activities that I used to take for granted (like brushing my hair) can be almost impossible for me during this time. But the point of this post isn’t to talk about my disease in detail. You can visit my blog for that. Despite my troubles, I try to be my old self as much as possible maintain a mostly positive attitude (though we all have our bad days). Sure, I had to give up some stuff (no more guitar playing for me!), but who doesn’t have to sacrifice?

Having RA made me really apprehensive about dating. My ex and I were already together when I was diagnosed, so I didn’t feel the pressure to try and be “normal.” But then we broke up, I realized that there are going to be men out there who can’t accept me for my “disease.” I’ve had guys tell me before that they were only interested in dating healthy women, and an overweight, sick woman such as myself would never cut it. I was so worried that I’d never find anyone  who would want to be with me. What guy wants to date a girl that could potentially be a burden?

I started talking to Anthony online in August, and I was worried that it was going to be the same deal with him. We’d talk, we’d both be interested, I’d feel comfortable enough to tell him about RA, and he’d never talk to me again. So when I told him about my RA, I was in for a surprise that a) he didn’t reject me and b) he told me he had CP and HIV! I will admit that I was both relieved and apprehensive then. He told me that CP affected his speech. Would I be able to understand him? Would I make a fool of myself if I couldn’t? Would I insult him if I asked him to repeat something? I didn’t really know much about the condition, and that worried me. Then there was the HIV part. I like to think that I’ve been well educated about the disease. But of course, I still had my concerns. My immune system is already compromised, and I don’t even want to try to imagine what having HIV on top of that would mean. I was worried that having to be careful about everything we did together (and I’m not just talking about sex here) would mean that we would be spending less time enjoying each other. This prompted hours of research. I will also admit that I was worried about what other people would say about us. I knew friends and family members would pull me aside and tell me that I was taking a huge, unnecessary risk by being with Anthony. They would be concerned about me having a normal (there’s that word again) and happy life. The part I really didn’t want to hear was “are you sure you’re just not settling?” No, I’m not. I found a guy who can accept me for who I am. My life is not normal as it is, so why let this stop me? And I am happy. Fortunately, my mom and sister love him, and my friends think we’re a cute couple. Of course, it took meeting him for their concerns to go away.

Anthony and I have been together about a month now. Instead of worrying about what our diseases prevent us from doing, we try to find a way to laugh about them. We joke about our compromised immune systems and the fact that we’ve been passing the same cold back and forth since we’ve gotten together. When I’m feeling too tired or sick to go out and do things, he’s perfectly content coming over to my house and spending the day in front of the TV watching old cartoons and eating Chinese food, and giving me the occasional foot or back massage. When we’re out in public, he’ll grab my hand and start rubbing my sore, stiff fingers to try and loosen them up.

So we can’t kiss like other couples. So we can’t play the guitar together. But I still try to take care of him to the best of my ability. I made dinner for him for the first time, and I’d say I did a good job. I need to accept that I won’t always be able to take care of him, and that I will need to be taken care of every once in awhile. I think Anthony already has that concept down. So as long as we’re both happy in the relationship, why should anything else matter?

– Alyssa Pierce

Follow Alyssa’s blog My Battle with RA and visit her (and her books!) at http://AlyssaPierce.com

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